Lost in Translation

Sheesh...I'm exhausted. I had my very first full-blown, 8 hour interpretation job today. It was for an environmental engineering company (from Spain) at their plant in Northern PA. Needless to say, it was quite a commute; that alone is enough to wear a person out. In addition to that, I had to do bilingual translation (sometimes simultaneous) from English to Spanish and Spanish to English. I was REALLY nervous because it was a job that required technical language that I'm not particularly familiar with and it was my first really important translation job so, I had to prove myself in order to set myself up for future assignments.

As soon as I got there I realized it was not going to be nearly as complicated as I had imagined. For one thing, my contracting agency told me that I was going to be translating a presentation to a group of employees which would involved highly technical engineering lingo. However, it quickly became apparent that what I really had to do was simply shadow a logistics expert from Spain (who spoke no English whatsoever) as he tried to get this new branch of the company in order. At times, it was rather uncomfortable because he was basically chewing out several employees and office managers for their (to be totally frank) incompetence. These people had mis-labeled, mis-sent, and mis-counted just about everything possible in the warehouse. It was really quite ridiculous.

There were definitely moments where there was the need for a specific, technical term but I managed to be able to talk around pretty much everything I didn't know how to say (i.e. When would I ever encounter/need/use the word "skid"--as in a pallet-- in Spanish??) So, overall, I think I did great given my lack of a mechanical vocabulary. I really enjoyed working with the logistics expert (named Emilio) and I think that the company itself is excellent; I would be over-joyed to get the opportunity to work with them again either here or in Spain (especially there). Who knows, maybe I can maintain some connections?

I still can't get over the fact that I'm getting paid (REALLY well this time) for just talking. It honestly blows my mind sometimes. It really makes me think---- communication is so incredibly complicated and, therefore, so important in every aspect of life. Not being able to communicate properly because of language barriers, cultural differences, education level, etc. is not only vital to the essence of who we are, but also how others perceive us. What do you tell people about you based on the way you speak? The words you choose? The things you like or don't like to talk about? Is the old adage wrong--- are we not what we eat but, rather, what we say?

"She works (too) hard for the money..."

Something has recently come to my attention that is rather disappointing. I have been working at my current 40hr/wk summer job for about 2 months now. When I arrived, my boss seemed really enthusiastic to make a positive change in the workplace and I appeared to be an integral part of that. However, as time has gone on, I've been told several times that I "work too fast". This means that I complete assignments faster than my boss expects or would like. I never thought of it as a negative thing, really--- it's just who I am. Tell me what to do and I will get it done-- period. No messing around, just do it.

Unfortunately, every time I enter into the workforce I am told the same thing. I have come to realize that my bosses don't ACTUALLY want me to finish what I'm doing-- especially not in record time. The more I do, the more they need to do to keep me occupied. I've talked to a few people about this; in particular, my Dad, who is a supervising manager for a local manufacturing company. His take on it was this, "I'd like all my employees to work like that but, the fact is, none do. And when they do, co-workers give them such a hard time for "making everyone else look bad" that they eventually learn to play the game too." And what is this "game"? It is pretending to work and be busy when you are really just wasting time and milking a job for all it's worth. The longer you take, the less people expect of you and if no one expects anything of you, you don't get asked to do much. It really is the perfect strategy.

So, what should I do about this? Well, I guess I'll just go to the bathroom a lot, take longer lunches, take smoke breaks (even though I don't smoke) and play card games on my computer all day long because, frankly, I don't want to lose my job. If I keep the pace I've had, I'll finish my job before I'm actually scheduled to leave. It makes me sad to learn that being a part of the "adult", working world translates to such little actual productivity.

Anyone else encountered this phenomena? How do you deal with it? How much should we all just "go with the flow"?

Top 10

Ok, well, I've tried to avoid it for a bit but, I've been tagged by my buddy Ryan to list the "Top 10" things that most people don't know about me. So, here it goes....

1) As a kid, I had really severe ear problems and could've gone deaf had I not undergone surgery.

2) I hate cleaning kitchens...with a passion. I would MUCH rather clean a bathroom (including toilets) than do dishes; for me, rotting food is the ultimate in grossness.

3) I'm a musical freak. I am constantly humming, singing or whistling. I wake up every morning with a song stuck in my head for no apparent reason.

4) I have a talent for remembering names and numbers. If I met you once 8 years ago and you told me your name, I'll still know it (though I probably won't recognize your face). I can read a phone number once and remember it for days...not sure why.

5) I spent my childhood in rural PA; so rural, in fact, that practically all our neighbors owned farms and were Mennonite. As a result, I was brought up in the Mennonite church (complete with hair to my knees).

6) I have been tested at a 132 IQ ("gifted") but failed the test for the gifted program in WV schools in 6th grade (though I had passed in PA) because I was extremely nervous and my tester was so eccentric it actually distracted me.

7) I distinctly remember (on more than one occasion) having dreamt in color and, a few times, in Spanish though they say it is not possible.

8) I cannot give blood because I don't weigh enough.

9) I missed being in the "Top 10" of my graduating class in high school by .01 points--- damn calculus.

10) I have only ever broken one bone--- my tailbone, which is the one bone that cannot be re-aligned. Ironic, huh?

I now tag: Amber, Alison, Rose, Daniel, Erica, Alyssa, and Becky....

Babies, babies everywhere...

I swear, there must be something in the water in my family. Everyone is getting pregnant and having babies! My cousin, Stephani (a CPA), and her husband, Brad (an engineer), live in Ohio and are expecting their first--- a baby boy (as yet unnamed)-- very, very soon. My grandmother keeps teasing me that I'm next (Steph is the oldest cousin and I'm the 2nd oldest) but I'm certainly in no hurry....

Hahahaha....

Yup, we're about 2 years old when we're together...he's just too cute...this is what a simple walk in the woods turned into last weekend....

¿Hablas español?

I was officially hired yesterday for my second job!!! I will be working for this summer (at least)as an independent contractor for translating and interpreting. I will do: Spanish to English, English to Spanish, English to Portuguese and Portuguese to English. Yeah!!!!! I'm really excited and rather nervous. This will be my first experience doing this kind of work professionally. The money isn't bad at all and I can do a lot of it from home, which means I can continue even after I move to Nashville-- very nice. The company I'm working for is Spanish Translation and it is owned by Charlotte Hernandez, with whom I had a really great interview yesterday afternoon. She's great. If anyone out there needs this kind of work in the Eastern Panhandle/Tri-State area, she's the one you should call. I hope to become certified through the ATA (American Translators Association) soon.

I've also been trying to write some this summer and get some work sent out--- which I'm failing miserably at. I'm just so tired at the end of the day. It's all I can do to eat, work out and get enough sleep to do it all the next day. I haven't written a story in months, despite a lovely postcard of encouragement from one of my favorite writer-gals, Sara Pritchard. (Which consequently I lost somewhere in all the boxes that now contain my life so, I don't have her address to write back and thank her; if anyone has it let me know, or if she is reading this blog, THANK YOU!). So, in lieu of my failed attempts at being an on-the-side writer, I have a question to all the writer-people out there: How do you stay motivated and inspired? What do you do to "get the juices flowing", so to speak? Any suggestions?

Babies and Puppies...

...who can resist them? Happily for me, I have actually had something of a life in the past few days. My family had a high school graduation party for my cousin, Kara. While there, I got to meet my new cousin/niece (my cousin Amanda's new daughter), Emmalyn. I must say, she's pretty dern cute for something that poops and cries so much. My family also welcomed the newest set of chihuahua puppies (courtesy of my cousin, Matt). Again, lots of pooping and crying but oh so adorable.



Saturday night was spent at another Roma Renegade concert with my favorite accordianist and gypsy-swinger, Gabby & Co. Not really any pooping or crying going on, but still lots of fun. Marian and I are obsessive picture-takers so, here are just a few...



...the night would not have been complete without the midnight run to Wal-Mart and the trying on of the elephant-sized ugly-pants!


...and the cheap-ass breakfast at Wafflehouse at 12:30, which is what all established musicians do after a show--- eat crappy food and look cool. And, in case you can't tell from the photos, I got a hair-cut, which I desperately needed for oh, 6 months now.

Two Giant Scoops of Nuthin'

I'm blogging out of the sheer annoyance that I have nothing remotely interesting to blog about. How crummy is that? Basically, my life at this moment consists of:

1) Work from 8am to whenever I'm done (usually almost 5pm)
2) Eating-- trying to get 3 square ones a day, sometimes at the desk
3) Sleeping-- cannot seem to catch up; I'm sleepy at 7pm but then can't actually get to sleep until after 11pm and must wake up at 6:30AM
4) Driving-- my family and I have been driving back and forth from Philly almost every weekend so, my Saturdays are completely spent within an SUV
5) Planning-- got my fall classes picked out, trying to develop an interior design scheme for my new apartment (on a miniscule budget), dreaming about where I'll be next summer (I'm thinkin' Spain and Portugual)

The only wild thing that has happened lately didn't even actually happen to me-- it happened to my boss. She got a wicked case of poison ivy over Memorial Day weekend and, since then, has been highly medicated. Nothing seemed to be working so, her doctor gave her a steroid shot. She had a severely allergic reaction to this shot (while at work with me), broke out into hives, started throwing up and ran a tremendously high fever. Her husband took her to the ER where they promptly diagnosed her and gave her MORE drugs to knock her out and let her body fix itself. That said, she has been working 1/2 days for most of this week which really sucks for me because--- without a boss I have no work to do; thus, I've been working 1/2 days, which I really can't afford right now. Major bummer all around but, luckily, she's doing much better now. Hopefully, next week will be a full-time week.

SO jealous...

If anyone is interested, my buddy Joey Garcia is now in Brazil with the WVU Law School. He and his fellow law students are blogging about their experiences in Brazil (right now they are in Manaus-- the Amazon region). It's an interesting read....and it REALLY makes me want to go back....

http://lawinbrazil.blogs.wvu.edu/bios/bio_joe_garcia

Dripping with sweat...and not in a sexy way

Ugh...I'm really gross right now. When I get really nervous or stressed out I sweat like a maniac. The last few days have been rather trying. I've been dealing with my car insurance company due to a incident in a Kmart parking lot. I honestly don't know whose fault it was but I'm nervous as hell that either way is going to cost me a bunch (though the only damage was a few scratches to the respective bumpers). Lately I just start to perspire as soon as my cell phone rings. I feel like a Pavlovian dog--- minus the treat.

Some relatively good news is that I have an apartment in Nashville--finally. The trip to find a place turned into a roller-coaster of intense freak-outs and total contentment. It was weird. Originally, Felipe and I were going to fly out Monday morning and return Tuesday evening. However, we missed the flight on Monday (due to a 1/2hr. technicality--by one minute, literally). So, we had to re-schedule the same flight for Tuesday morning but couldn't get a return flight until Thursday morning. In the end, it worked out better that we had the extra day. Let me tell you, finding a suitable place to live at a REASONABLE price in Nashville is like asking for a white Christmas in Miami--ain't gonna happen. There were some ONE bedroom/STUDIO places that were going for $1,000/mo. Who can afford that?? Certainly not me, even on my newly augmented stipend. Needless to say, it was rather frustrating. Then, when the gods shone on me and I managed to find something cheaper, still clean and within walking distance, my old landlord decided to be a total butt-munch. He knew that the new place needed his recommendation to accept me and he made a point of saying on the phone to me, "Well, you know, your place still looked kinda dirty to me. Are you sure you steam-cleaned the carpets? How about in the closets? You know, I don't think your roommate gave me all the keys..." etc, etc. AGHHHH!! What a punk!!! He rents to some total losers that trash his place (one even set the place on FIRE a few years ago--no kidding) then he has the audacity to give me the third degree. He should've kissed my feet when I left and thanked me for being the responsible, clean tenant that I am. So ungrateful---especially when he knew that I was relying on his help at that moment. I suppose he said something nice, or at least ambiguous, because I got the apartment I wanted. Although the people running the place seem a bit shady and rude, it is the price and location I wanted so, I'm ok with it.

Today, I have a job interview at 2pm for an Asst. HR Manager summer position at Fuji Film. It isn't a dream job but, hey, the pay is good and it's about 10 mins. from my parent's house. So, here I am typing away and sweating profusely. I really need this job. The lease on my new apartment starts June 1st so, I'll being paying rent all summer long, even though I won't be living there; it kinda sucks but, there was no negotiating with those people. They knew that if I didn't like it, there were 10 more people right behind me willing to do anything to get the place. I just really hope that this summer can be relaxing and restorative; I could really use some time to decompress-- if not, by the time August rolls around there'll be nothing left of me but a stinky puddle on the floor.

If I never see another cardboard box again in my life...

...I'll be very happy. I'd forgotten what a major pain in the ass moving can be. And how did I end up with all this crap?? Sometimes I think being a baglady isn't such a bad idea--- just live with what you can carry on your back. None of this renting a U-Haul to tote around crap that you never use and rarely think about until you have to pick it up and carry it up/down stairs. Ugh. The worst part is that the majority of the housewares here are mine (dishes, living room furniture, cooking utensils, etc.) So, my roommate is already finishing moving out (plus her parents live 1/2hr. away) and I'm left standing in a half-full apartment with the realization that all this shit is MINE. I've learned my lesson well, though. In Nashville, I will be the poster-child for minimalist living. No longer will I give in to the thought, "Well, it could come in handy someday." If I don't need it to live until tomorrow, it goes to someone else. My Achille's heal is paper--- I have a frickin' library of books, old notebooks and loose papers that have some kind of sentimental value. I never took up smoking because I knew, if I didn't take care, my place would light up like a Christmas tree. *Sigh* Just when I thought the stress was over...pardon me while I go jump in a dumpster for more boxes....

"Master of the Universe" feels good...

I passed!!! Woo-hoo!! I have successfully defended my thesis and I am now a MASTER of the universe! Whew, what a load off. I'm so relieved. I have a few corrections and changes to make before it must be submitted electronically on Friday but, that isn't too big a deal. I only have one final exam to take, which will be cake so, I'm pretty much set. All I have left to do is graduate. Now I must begin hunting large, cardboard boxes....

On Saturday night I went out with some of my girlfriends and had dinner and drinks. It was great to catch up, see where everyone will be next year and, of course, talk about boys :) I guess, as a female, you never really outgrow that, huh?

Wrapping Up and Moving Out

In a few hours, I will have finished my very last final exam in literature...ever. Woo-hoo!! I'm so excited. I only have one more final exam next Wednesday (in Applied Spanish Linguistics for Second Language Acquisition), which shouldn't be too bad. I'm SO happy to be done. I'm sick to death of linguistics, Spanish lit. and literary criticism. I miss history...and facts... and objectivism...and reality. I guess I'm a bit too realistic to exist permanently in the literary realm. I need to get out before I start to hate to read, which would be an absolute shame.

I defend my thesis this Friday afternoon and I'm extremely nervous. Two of my committee members are totally laid-back, whatever kinda people but, my chair is really hard-line. All of the cross-exs with her will be in Spanish and she has pretty high expectations of me. My thesis is a big mixture of Latin American culture, history and political science (to accomodate the areas of interest of each of my committee members). The title is, "NGOs as Agents of Historical Change: A Comparative Study of Violence against Women in Argentina and Brazil". I know, I know, it's a mouthfull. I didn't want it to be so long and pretentious but, it just somehow morphed into that. I was really jazzed about it at first, then the newness wore off (especially when I had a hell of a time doing research in Brazil) so, by the time I got back I almost hated it. I've been struggling with this love-hate relationship I have toward my thesis; now that it's almost done, it feels like an old friend that I have to say goodbye to. I'm very excited to start my Ph.D. I feel like the world is opening up to me...finally.

I'll be traveling to Nashville in the next 2 weeks to try and find an apartment (at a reasonable distance/price). I'll be living alone for the very first time, which is the way I want it. I've dealt with way too many crazy, weird, lazy, dead-beat roommates. I'm ready for a break; I want to be alone, enjoy the peace and get to know myself a little bit. I just don't know what I'm going to do with all the crap in my current apartment....I'm certainly not hefting it to TN...any takers???

Going to HE (double hockey stick) in a Garrison-shaped basket

I was supremely irritated to read the DA (university newspaper) this morning due to the outcome of an election. You see, WVU has recently seen the retirement of President Hardesty (who served for 12 years). So, the search has been on in the last few months to find his replacement. Several extremely qualified candidates were given a crack at the interviewing process. However, strange things began to happen and people began to murmur their discontent, and continue to do so--some are doing more than murmuring. The fact of the matter is this: the BOG (Board of Governors) on campus, which functions much like the U.S. Electoral College, decided that Mr. Garrison was to be the next president by a vote of 16-1 over Mr. Nellis (who is a former Dean of the WVU College of Arts&Sciences). I'm sorry, I just gotta call a big 'ole BULL SHIT on the BOG for this one. Come on! You people couldn't have made this whole charade more obvious if you tried. The fact that Garrison has NO experience in university administration AND the fact that he used to be the HEAD of the BOG AND the fact that he's in bed with practically every major political player in the state (not to mention being Hardesty's pet project) is clearly representative of outrageous personal preference. There were actually candidates who dropped out in mid-process because even THEY could feel that this was a fixed job. Dr. Nellis has done so much for WVU in the past, not to mention the fact that he has a great reputation with students, faculty and administration alike, and he's so incredibly qualified for the job (ex- Dean, ex-University Proctor, etc.) that only an idiot would opt for someone else. Wait, let me correct myself---only a BOARD of idiots would chose another person. It's just so totally asinine I'm overwhelmed. They even went so far as to call an "emergency" faculty senate to have professors vote and give feedback on who would be the best candidate (after some publicly complained). WHERE ARE THOSE RESULTS??? Because you can bet that the faculty didn't vote overwhelmingly for Garrison; clearly, this "emergency" meeting was just a nice, politically-correct way to make everyone feel as though their opinion had been heard when, in reality, it didn't mean anything at all. Screw you, BOG; stop pretending you give a shit what anyone else thinks. Stop wasting our time and energy trying to make you listen to what we really WANT and NEED here at WVU. Obviously, nothing can or will get in the way of your agenda so, good job, you got what you set out to get from the very beginning. Congrats to you, Garrison; you're set for life while everyone who works their ass off at WVU can suffer from your incompetence, continual rises in tuition (5.5% already scheduled for this fall), and stagnate employee salaries. You can piss around and call yourself "president" while always knowing that you BOUGHT yourself the most important position on campus. Let's give them all a round of applause for their magnificent satire...(curtain falls and lights fade out).

Goin' down to Nashville...

I love Vanderbilt!! I had such a great time while I was there. The professors were so incredibly nice and the campus is gorgeous. It is a registered arboreum and there are about a million squirrels per square foot. Pitt made a sort of last-ditch effort to reel me in-- offering me more money and a fellowship (for only 4 years, what is that??)-- but, when I went to visit I was treated, not rudely but, rather coldly. So, I'm making it official--- I'm doing my Ph.D. at Vanderbilt! I'm so excited. There are lots of apartments right beside campus, the TA offices are AMAZING (recently renovated, all glass and wood, with unlimited printing!!!) and, right across the street from the History Department they have a Panera, Ben&Jerry's and Starbucks. Honestly, what more could I ask for? It is a very quiet, private campus right smack in the middle of downtown Nashville. It has the seclusion of a small university with the bustling night-life of a major city, with ethnic food and diversity out the wazoo. And money, sheesh, this place has money like I've never seen...only dreamed of...they told me, point-blank, I am expected to never be in Nashville for the summer; I will always be abroad somewhere. YEAHHH!!! I can definitely deal with that-- Brazil every summer with FULL FUNDING. It's just mind-boggling. Plus, these professors publish like crazy and let their advisees co-publish with them. Plus, any conference in the world I want to go to, I can. AND, if I want to, in my last year I have the choice to completely design a course and teach it that Spring semester--- that's huge, a major resume-builder. It was certainly a whirlwind day and they had every minute of it planned and packed with activities, I barely had dinner before I flew back, but it was awesome. If you can't tell, I'm REALLY excited. This really is the perfect place for me and I can't wait to start. All I have to do is finish up this damn thesis, defend it, pass all my finals and I'm the hell outta here!! Woo-hoo!!!

Drowning in Babies...ugh...

What a weekend...oy, I'm so tired I don't know how I'm going to coherently teach this morning. It seems like all I've been doing is driving. I took my boy down to Elkins so we could eat at one of our favorite restaurants for his birthday then, I was supposed to leave Friday night to go to my parent's but, the weather had other plans. Everyone got a dumping of snow and nothing gets my parents into a tizzy quicker than bad driving conditions. So, I left Saturday morning--early. The West Virginia roads were awful...AWFUL...shame on our road crews. It was an absolute mess. Miraculously, after crossing the stateline into Maryland, things cleared up.....interesting, huh? We even followed the snow plow until he pulled over beside the "Welcome to Maryland" sign along I-68 and forced us to pass.

Then, on Saturday we had a big St. Patrick's Day dinner at my grandmother's house-- complete with corned beef, cabbage, potatoes and green beer; ok, just kidding on the beer-- I suggested it for next year as a "new and improved" menu option. Grandma just giggled and said I was bad. What's St. Patty's without green beer?? Even though we aren't really Irish--well, maybe just a little in the way that every American is a little Irish. When your family's been here over 200 years, something's gotta give, you know?

Then, Sunday afternoon was the *bum, bum bum* double baby shower that I had been summoned home to attend. Two, yes two, of my cousins are currently pregnant; one is about 5 months along and the other is about ready to burst any day now. So, it was an afternoon of pale colors, crazy contraptions that vibration and make sounds like rain, and lots and lots of family gossip (with coffee). Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for both of them. I guess I've just never been the kind of girl to get too excited over breast pumps and maternity clothes. Someday I'll have children, and I'll be very excited, but I don't ever think I'll be "baby crazy". I think that if having kids is the only thing you ever have on your mind, you need a hobby!

T-minus 3 and counting...

Got a "No" from UTX-Austin, not a huge surprise there-- they're more Mexico-centered so, Brazilian studies probably seemed offbase. I did, however, get a "Yes" from UNM, which I'm rather pleased about; though, again, it is not the offer of my dreams. Three left to go so, it's still up in the air...sort of...

Don't go toward the light!!!!

Weeelll....got some good news from Pitt! Guess I won't be taking that leap after all....hahaha....I can't say that it's the offer of my dreams or anything but, hey, it is another option. So, now I've got what I wanted-- a choice. Kinda feels like (and I can only imagine this) two burly men fighting for my hand...I know, I know, it's totally archaic and anti-feminist but, who doesn't want to be wanted? Anyway, the count is officially down to 5 more schools....hopefully, I'll hear from the rest very soon. I'm scheduled to fly down and visit Vanderbilt during Spring Break so, it would be nice to know for sure if I should be looking at apartment possibilities or not; so that would give the remaining schools about 2 weeks to get back to me....that's not unreasonable, right?

I've also been debating about the writing contest coming up; a few people have told me I should enter but...eh, I don't know. I love to write and I'd say I'm a good writer but, since I'm a grad student, I have to compete on the M.F.A. level. Yeah, not so crazy about that. I mean, I have good ideas but I'm definitely not as polished as someone who does this all the time...and plans to do it for the rest of their lives. Granted, some people with M.F.A.s are still crappy writers but, it significantly reduces the odds. Plus, entering a contest makes me a competitive writer....a quasi-professional, which I have no intentions of being. I do it because I enjoy it, not for any gain. So, eh...not sure about that one.

My birthday is coming up...not sure what I'm gonna do for this one. Not such a big deal to turn 24, really. After 21, I just stopped paying attention. Perhaps go out to dinner with my honey, get a massage, skip all my classes, etc---the usual fair. We'll see....any ideas from the peanut gallery? What should I do for my 24th birthday?

Ok, now I'm officially devastated....

No!! Not you too?! You're breaking my heart....I'm not going to be a Wolverine?....Say it ain't so!! Two in one day....this is too harsh for words...we could've made such beautiful history together...(sniff, sniff)...

"(Not) my home in Indiana...."

You know, as I'm racking up so much experience with rejection, I've noticed a few things. Primarily, if the envelope I receive in the mail is super-thin (containing only one sheet of paper), this usually indicates a quick, crushing blow aimed directly at the stomach area (or, as I like to call it, blitzkrieg denial). Secondly, without fail, each rejection letter starts something like this, "As you know, (University Name Here) receives a large number of applicants every year. Due to limited resources, our admissions committee is required to reject highly qualified students, like yourself, that have the ability to succeed in a doctoral program, blah, blah, blah...." I get what they're doing but, seriously, does it make any sense to build someone up just to then, in the next breath, tell them "NO"? It's the equivalent of saying to some poor rebound guy, "It's not you it's me" or "You're just too good for me" or "I just need to be alone and get to know myself" or "I need some space" or just about any other lame-o excuse for not wanting the person. Why can't they just be honest and say, "We're just not that into you." (sigh) I've almost reached the halfway mark in possible grad schools and I find myself very discouraged. Granted, I know the process is rigorous and there are infinite numbers of qualified applicants but, come on, how many women apply for a Ph.D. in the first place? Especially in History? Where's my damn affirmative action when I really need it???