For all cat lovers out there...

Thought this might give you a giggle...

The Do's and Don'ts of Tying the Knot

This past weekend I had the pleasure of seeing my two good friends Alex and Allison seal the deal in a lovely autumn in WV wedding. I was a bridesmaid (yet again) and did my part so that their big day went exactly according to plans--- and if you know Allison, you also know how VERY important that is. My boy and I had the chance to see eachother again after a bit of a hiatus so, that was definitely nice. It's amazing how much you can miss a person's physical presence even though you talk to them virtually every day.

As I have reached the end of my long list of to-go-to weddings for this year, I feel I have garnered a bit of knowledge that may be valuable to some of you out there who are (as yet) unmarried. Here's a top 10 list of advice from a decidedly un-experienced and non-authoritative, (yet)professional wedding attendee....

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10- Forget the stupid little details!! No one notices or remembers them anyway (i.e. the color of the napkins, the centerpiece, the favors, etc.). People waste way too much time and money on the minute details and miss the big picture in the process.

9- Do NOT, I repeat, Do NOT play: the chicken dance, the electric slide, the macarena, the hussle or any other cheesy dance song at the reception...it gets old real fast.

8- Pick a good cake. Nothing ruins a good wedding meal quicker than a cheap (more icing than cake) or overly rich, wedding cake. The cake is more than likely the last thing the guests will eat so, you should try to leave a good taste in their mouth (literally).

7- For the love of God, no performers. No sappy poets, no droning speakers and no warbling singers. The wedding is the show, we don't need any more.

6- Be kind to your bridesmaids/groomsmen. Do not make them wear anything you wouldn't (or something that wouldn't flatter you). And, just as a word of style advice, classic is always better. Trendy color combinations involving browns or oranges are better left inside Modern Bride magazine and off the bodies of real people.

5- Do NOT have a deejay. They always, always, always suck....no affordable one will have any kind of skills and they will never match your taste in music, no matter how much they promise to stick to your request list. A live band is preferable but expensive. Even a laptop hooked up to a stereo system on a random shuffle of your Windows Media Player playlist is better--- at least you can censor what is played.

4- You do not need a wedding planner. They are pushy, expensive, bitter old maids who want to control your special day and live vicariously through your checkbook. Do your own thing and make it reflect the two of you! If you plan far enough ahead and keep it simple, you can do it yourself. Nothing is sadder than a standard, cookie-cutter wedding. Just be sure to delegate--- the man should share equally in the planning; weddings are not solely the responsibility of the bride.

3- Do NOT videotape your wedding. It is a huge waste of money and I have never in my life known of anyone who actually sat down and watched the tape---ever. Videographers are pirates; if you have pictures, that's enough. Plus, even if you are self-absorbed enough to sit down and watch 2 hours of yourself on film, no one else will ever want to; so, please, don't tempt yourself to smother the rest of us with your blissful film festivals.

2- Make sure, regardless of who will be toasting you, that you know what they are going to say and how long they plan to ramble on (and how much they have had to drink prior to taking over the microphone). Most people think they are witty and profound but few actually are and the guests are always the uncomfortable victims in this scenario.

1- Enjoy the day! I've been to WAY too many weddings where the bride and groom spend the entire reception meeting and greeting. Forget that--- dance like an idiot, stuff your face and have fun because the day will pass quickly and you should squeeze as much joy out of it as possible; after all, you paid for it!

No nuts for the little lady....she's allergic....

Can you frickin' believe this?? Home Depot has decided to create a 'female friendly' version of its stores and, get this, they're calling it Her Depot. Whoever does their marketing research needs to be fired and branded on the forehead with the word "idiot". It is a store where,

"You won't find any lumber yards, contractor-grade tools or commercial building supplies. What you will find are flower bouquets, well-lit athroom and kitchen displays, stylish home furnishings and stacks of floral-print storage bins."

Gee, what I've always wanted--- another place that sells totally useless, decorative, over-priced shit. Hmmm...don't we already have a few of those around? (i.e. Crate and Barrel) Women will clearly never need nails, nuts, bolts, hammers, a wrench or, god-forbid, a piece of wood; we all just have our darling little hubby do all the heavy-lifting, fixing and logical thinking. As we all know, ovaries are like kryptonite to handiness.

I just don't understand how they think this is an new and appealing prospect for women (maybe cerca 1950). It will have "softer lighting", "lower shelves" and will be "neater and cleaner" than the typical warehouse style found at Home Depot and Lowe's but will have less stock (25% less). So, essentially, it will be a place with mood lighting and elevator music where women can buy fake flowers and call it home improvement--- ridiculous. All they have to do now is paint the exterior bright pink and the insult will be complete.....grrrr. Screw you, Home Depot! Oops, can't use 'screw'...that's manly hardware....POTPOURRI YOU, HOME DEPOT! (much better)

Must remember to eat and sleep....

My life has been so crazy lately I'm going to give the bulleted version (with explanatory photos)....

* saw "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" for free courtesy of my lovely department (since it's a semi-historical film); my verdict was B-.....pretty and engaging but ridiculously inaccurate and hopelessly cliche at times


* saw "Lady in the Water" courtesy of Blockbuster online; awesome film, I give it an A


* sang karaoke with the other newbies in my department Friday night at a local western bar; very intimidating when everyone there is an aspiring country singer but we had a blast making total fools of ourselves.... Exhibit A----- >


* spent the rest of the weekend reading an excellent book, Intimate Ironies: Modernity and the Making of Middle-Class Lives in Brazil and writing a review....potential dissertation topic? perhaps...

* got invited to a baby shower for one of my best friends from "way back in high school", always wanted to be able to say that; spent some time looking for good gift ideas.... anyone have a suggestion???

* tweaked my final itinerary for my trip to WV for one of my gal-friend's wedding....coming up oh-so-soon; spent time looking for a second gift to give....any ideas???

* struggled make a final decision on where I'll be traveling to this summer....and with what program....to do what? arg....sometimes lots of options makes things harder...

* I've been attending both the Spanish and Portuguese conversation tables religiously....can't tell you how confused that has made me....sometimes I speak and then have to pause to consider if I'm speaking the right language with the right group...


* I met the ex-President of Brazil!!! Mr. Fernando Henrique Cardoso. How cool is that? He came and spoke on campus....it was quite the to-do...Exhibit B---- >

* tonight I'm going to a Cuban timba music concert with "Tiempo Libre"-- Grammy award-winners....if I go to the reception before the concert I might get to meet them.....I love my life :)

"Satanic Verses" and Bad Tango

I got to hear Salman Rushdie speak on Friday evening!! How awesome is that? I love his books and he's a wonderful public speaker-- very dry, witty and highly opinionated. He spoke not so much about his books but, rather what the role of the author is in modern society. Based on his own reputation, he is clearly a writer in favor of "shaking things up" and using writing to make the public think critically. He poked fun at: Bush, Dan Brown, the Ayatollah Khomeini (who put out a fatwa, or death threat out on him for Satanic Verses), Republicans, J.K. Rowling, etc. There is an obvious attraction for him to the controversial. I must say, his treatment of the Q&A section was rather light (joking about the questions more than answering them) but, he did seem to be responding as honestly and bluntly as possible. I wish I had been able to meet him personally (he was signing autographs and chatting at the reception prior to the lecture) but I thoroughly enjoyed his speech. I highly recommend his work to anyone out there that likes mysticism, religion, history and a heavy dose of political incorrectness.


Later that evening, I went with a few friends to a tango demonstration at a local park. I really like tango music so, I was really looking forward to seeing a dance troupe perform it. However, I was rather disappointed. Most of the time was spent on instructing participants on the basic steps of tango--- which took forever. Then, they made a laundry list of announcements about the group...blah, blah, blah. FINALLY, they got to the tango performances....and, frankly, they weren't very good. I know, I know, who am I to judge? I am by no means a tango dancer nor a professional dancer in any capacity. However, one doesn't have to be able to draw to recognize a good rendering of a landscape--- you just know how it should look. I've watched the film Tango from Argentina so, I'm rather well-acquainted with how the dance should look....and it didn't look like that, at all. Oh well, it was a tantalizing prospect anyway.


So, I have two questions for everyone this time: What is your favorite "bad" book? A book that crosses the line, so to speak, and pushes the limits of polite literary society-- perhaps a banned book? Secondly, have you ever experienced something that received lots of hype only to be sorely disappointed at the actual results?