Today in History: July 18, 1981 my parents tied the knot in a little country church in central Pennsylvania (I was born roughly two years later).So, today is my parents anniversary and, I tell ya, I couldn't be happier. They seriously have one of the best marriages I have ever seen and I'm not just saying that because they're mine. They genuinely enjoy each other, they laugh all the time, and they are clearly the best of friends; you couldn't picture one without the other. I've always looked up to the way they defined marriage. Now, as virtually every friend and acquaintance I have is getting married or engaged, it really makes me think about what marriage means.
In today's world where slightly over 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, it seems like, somehow, most people are not going into this thing with both eyes open. I can see how it's easy to get caught up in the ceremony of it all--- the dress, the music, the flowers, the rings, the honeymoon, etc. Plus, it's seen as a status symbol to be married--- you've reached adulthood, you've settled down, you're normal. But, at the same time, all that stuff in the moment doesn't really mean anything when you have to spend every waking moment with this person for the rest of your life. Personally, I've never been one of these girls that dreams about her wedding all her life. I really couldn't care less how it happens or, honestly, if it happens. I just want to be with someone that makes me happy and I can do the same for them; that's the really important part, all the rest is just details (and very expensive ones at that).
Which is why, I suppose, I've never understood why people are so radically against same-sex marriage. Marriage is a committment of one's life to another and anyone can do that so, legally, anyone should be able to do that, in my opinion. I've met several gay/lesbian couples who have just as functional/disfunctional relationships as any other straight couple-- including when children are added into the mix. What it comes down to is that human relationships of all kinds and levels are hard work because they require a certain level of selflessness, which is rather rare in today's society. If you can find that with anyone-- regardless of gender, race, religion, etc.-- you've really discovered something great.
My question to all of you is: what is marriage? What makes it work? What causes it to end? How necessary is that "little piece of paper"? Is it a right for all or a privilege for some?
4 comments:
* Sorry! Removed for horrible spelling.
Hey babe, I hope you have a good time at Adelheid's wedding. I want a FULL update when you get back. I wanted to also let you know that soon I am going to retire my current blog. Here is the new address:
http://wanderlust2point0.wordpress.com
Now you can leave comments again!
Hey Nikki! I think you have a choice on whether to get married or not. There are pro's and con's either way.
Here is one tip Daryl and I have found extremely helpful since being married though...
Let the husband LOVE his wife and let the wife RESPECT her husband.
Not only has that truth been just recently hitting the market - in books, conferences, etc, but God included it in the Bible in Ephesians 5:33. The principle is timeless.
Men and women have different needs. It's natural for a man to respect because that's what he needs and for a wife to love because that's what she needs. We need to learn how to put each others needs before our own and meet them as best we can!
One of mine and Daryl's favorite books on this topic is called, "Love and Respect" by Dr. Eggerichs (pretty obvious title, I know).
Keep asking those great questions!
Before my wedding, my grandmother got me one of those calendar-quote things...where you turn to a new quote each day. July 24's quote by P. Frost was "A successful marriage requires divorce, a divorce from your own self-love." I thought that this was so important that I put it on my refrigerator, so that I have to read it every day. When I see that type of attitude in couples, I know that the marriage is lasting.
Another essential thing that Ryan and I try to remember is that for each of us, the other is number 2, Jesus is number 1. We've said it like that since we started dating. Keeping God in the center, I believe, is especially important for a successful marriage. I was told yesterday that among married couples that pray together every day, there is something like a 10%, or perhaps an even smaller divorce rate. Because these couples pray together, they not only know their spouse's needs and are able to better demonstrate their love, but they are also praying for them, pushing that level of love one step further and giving the problems and issues that we can't often handle and fix to the One who truly does know how to deal with them.
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